Strained Relationships with Technology, or 'Why I Better Be Employed in Three Years'

Frequently, I question the functionality of humans. Sometimes, I walk away from something and wonder if I'm having a semi-lucid dream because there is no way that just happened, and there is no way that even my subconscious came up with that all by its little self. Let's begin at age 12.

12 years old: I hate piano lessons. Largely, because I hate being told what to do. (Some things never change, what? Who said that?) So, as a reward for practicing the piano two hundred time consecutively, I get a laptop the following Christmas. I openly acknowledge that this is rah-ther unnecessary given in that I probs don't even have an email account at this point but whatever, at 12 it was the coolest thing in the world. It's an IBM, it weighs a ton, but who cares. Fast forward a few months, I turn it on and discover a whole new world of computer woes. Forget the blue screen of death, I've managed to find the GREEN screen of death. Yeah, it's real. Who knew. End result: "The Motherboard was bad." Uh, I'm sorry, last I checked I possessed a computer, not a freakin spaceship. Whatever, fix it and give it back. Cool. Great.

Age 17-18-19: Five years later, it's officially necessary that I upgrade. So the fall of my senior year, I go configure myself a cute little Dell. I get a pink lid, and bonus, Dell sends twenty bucks to breast cancer research. Sweet. A Warning to you all: NEVER, EVER, EVER choose a computer because you want it in pink. That is what covers are for. No one told me this. So I'm bopping along through life, oh sup college. First round of finals rolls around. Plug in the old Dell, aaaaand proceed to lose a paper when it runs out of battery. Now, at this stage in the game, I'm not really that close with the boys hall with whom we share a lounge. So we all had a one-way ticket to awk-town when I proceeded to have a public nervous breakdown about a paper I really could not replicate in three hours. Despite being plugged into the wall, my computer had never been charging, for the charger had died. Did we know that could happen? I didn't. Compie and I then make it a habit of frying chargers and batteries exclusively around midterm and finals time, just to add some spice to my life. By the end of my freshman year of college, I've had this computer two years and been through a battery and five chargers.

Age 19: Summer break. Yeah, forget this, I'm getting a Mac. (If anyone sees any reason I should not do this please let me know. I'd appreciate the foresight.) But Mom says, "Let's fix the Dell, and then I can use it." K, sure. Why not.

And this is where we get relevant. Microcenter! Serving Northern Virginia's technological needs out of Vienna, Virginia. Bippity bop boop, turn the thing in, great, your people will call my people? Awesome.

Ring Ring! This is Microcenter with information about the patient. It's the motherboard. We need to send it to Neptune where they have a special lab to fix it. WHAT THE HECK, WORLD, stop killing my motherboards! It's rude.  That was literally weeks ago.

Which brings me to today. I literally just had the following conversation, but like, for realsies. Slash, this was after the automated computer line that I was waiting in hung up on me. Twice.

"Hello...Microcenter...blah blah...help you?"

"Insert my song and dance about Compie and how I'm this close to filing a missing persons report"

"Right, ten days."

"Uh, what? How is that possible, you told me ten days ten days ago. So, today?"

"Right."

"So it's ready?"

"Er, gurgle, non committal grunting noise"

"Uh sir? Was that an answer or...?"

"Uh let me find our parts manager"

"Great."

"So, you'll hold?"

"What? Yes I'll hold."

"Okay she's actually at lunch" (PS...this is like 3pm. Everyone best pray I'm not just eating lunch at 3pm...just sayin')

"Okay. So...I'm still unclear on the whole computer arriving thing."

"Should I have her call you?"

"Can she answer my question?"

"Uh..."

"Yeah. Have her call me. Have anyone call me, just not you."

"Uh. Okay. Er.."

"Have a nice day, man"

Moral of the story? Microcenter could use some Customer Service workshops. But they can probably fix anything and I should probably stop whining. Also, if this dude can find/hold a job? I had better be happily employed come graduation. Eh. Strike happily. I'll go for straight employed.

Wow. That was unnecessarily long. Potentially why no one reads these? (Except you, mom...) I'll work on that. Who are we kidding, no I won't.